I still remember the day I said: “I want to live in Canada and work in my field”. I was confident my English would improve soon enough to get a job in this industry that is about being a TOTAL PRO in the writing and speaking departments.
The interesting part is that dreaming is as frequent as having to deal with the impostor syndrome.
For a long time, I thought my English was “poor” because I was not a fast learner. It took me years to realize my English wasn’t the real problem. I was and still am in the process that every immigrant faces in a country with a different language.
Actually, I am a fast learner!
Sometimes I still struggle with finding the word I need, being spontaneous is not that easy yet, and jokes are not the same; but it has to do with how perfectionist I am, how terrified I am to be considered dumb, and how frustrated I get when I feel I can’t be myself in a different language.
For more than three years I dreamed of the day I could be perfectly fluent, with no grammar or pronunciation mistakes; but there’s no room for anxiety or rush because, again, this is a process, and no one can skip it.
If this is what I’ve got, then what?
While at the beginning I thought my job in Canada wasn’t that meaningful; recently, I learned how important this role is for the community I belong to.
Now I also want to keep bonding with English-speakers to become a better liaison between them and the Spanish-speaking community.
Once I found that purpose, I realized that these years in Canada have given me many tools in every aspect of my life. I valued them and I started feeling more comfortable with MY English.
I was finally listening to my brain saying:
You see?! I’m improving little by little, give me the chance to develop all these skills at my own pace!
It was MAGIC! The moment I “heard” that, I became more fluent.
Long time ago, I was told we must be careful with what we think and what we say about ourselves because it can either put us barriers or make us accomplish our goals.
Today I still feel frustrated when I stumble when I can’t find a term or people don’t get me, but at least I don’t freak out anymore.
Now, I’m aware my brain is on it, doing its best; so, it’s time for me to trust it because no matter how control freaks or perfectionists we are, at the end we must work hard and go with the flow. Simoultaneously. 😅
One thought on “My brain says: on it!”
15 years to this date after I landed in Canada, I still make small mistakes or have some grammatical inaccuracies, but you know what, Silvia? I do not let that bother me as much as it bothered me at the beginning. Like you, I do not let this hold me back. I just shake it off and keep going, At least I am fluent in 2 languages, right? this is 1 more than most people. Good enough for me! 🙂