It’s been almost a year since I started shifting to a different state of mind. 🙌🏻

It all started when I lost track of when I started spending more than ten hours a day working. For a long time I felt excited every time I took on more freelancing projects on top of my full-time job; so, it became normal to be in front of the computer from 6 am to 9 pm every day. Clearly, being productive was all I worried about.

Sadly, I know I am not the only one in this kind of routine. That’s what I’ve seen in my family since I was little. Even today, my dad is 80 years old and you can find him in front of the computer at 10 pm, and not because he needs to (thank God he has a decent pension), but because without “working”, he feels lost.

Setting a goal and sticking to it

When I came to Canada, my main objective once I graduated from school was to land a job that met certain expectations. However, there were many other variables, aside from my credentials and skills, that came into play in determining what I ended up achieving—like Canada’s recession, our immigration status, or my mental health.

Unfortunately, it didn’t feel okay to me. Once the pandemic let us move on with our lives, I started looking for new, bigger, and better opportunities that would help me accomplish what I originally wanted.

However, time passed, and nothing happened. It didn’t matter how many resumes I send, no one was getting back to me. The more months I crossed out on the calendar, the more anxious I became. I felt my effort was useless because “the needle” was not moving, not even a bit!

The art of leaving the blanks blank

Thanks to the hard work done on therapy, I was able to put expectations aside. Now, the question was: What do I really want to be or do?

I learned that I didn’t have to stick to the original plan. However, with such a curious and creative mind, narrowing down the ideas was challenging, to say the least. Moreover, I didn’t know how to stay still. If I’m not doing something, I’m crafting an idea and planning how to execute it later.

Coping with myself began to be hasle. The frustration levels skyrocketed like never before, so I had to stop. Stop developing more plans, running more analyses, and working on that many job applications. My body and brain demanded that I take a break and remain still.

And that’s when the needle FINALLY moved 🥲. When my mind accepted and appreciated the blanks, and I found myself surrendered, lying on the couch.

Sometimes, the effort put into finding an answer is what keeps us from finding it.

-Myself, that morning lying on the couch

There’s a fine line between working hard to accomplish a goal and trying TOO hard, which can make it dissappear.

I must admit I’m still learning to identify and move around that line for my benefit. It turns out that having this high-energy and determined beast in my brain is great, but it could also pose a drawback if I don’t tame it. Good to know.